Fear

Some historic figure once said that the only thing that we have to fear is fear itself. Maybe he was right. It is 6:02 in the morning and I am doing my promised activity, writing everyday, anything, no matter what. I am writing about fear today because I am afraid. I am afraid of failing my grad classes. I am afraid of not studying hard enough and I am afraid that I am going to forget everything I study. Crazy, huh? Yep! I know this but somehow I can't shake this fear. It's a very familiar feeling I have known all my life. Isn't that sad, but it's true. I have known fear all my life in all areas of my life, especially in relation to academics.

I hate studying. I always have. And even now at this level I find my hate for it ever persistent. But what's a chick to do? If I want to do well I have to study. Maybe I'll research study techniques. Maybe I don't know how to study, maybe that's why I don't study at all.

But my fear of failure is pretty big. Facing my fears is pretty big. I hate fear. I hate it. I hate the sleepless nights it gives me, and the bathroom runs, and the shaking in my hands and yet...I walk through it everytime, because I know that if I do not, what I fear will paralyze me.

I am afraid and I can admit it. But I've come to a point in my life now, where I am tired of being afraid. Whatever I was getting out of it just isn't enough anymore to continue like this. I think I am going to give myself a new nickname, "Fearless". No more fear. No more! Yep, I said it, now it's time to go out there and live it.